I'm Back!

A brilliant satire from the Ashland (WI) Daily Press.

http://www.ashlandwi.com/articles/2009/08/20/opinions/doc4a8c124f57e9e514848286.txt

Welcome to America, comrade
A Daily Press commentary
Published: Wednesday, August 19, 2009 10:13 AM CDT

Richard Coleman

"Yes, we can!" What a wonderful catch-phrase. It invoked such power to those who were tired of things the way they were. A brand new America! From now on everything will be better! Never again will we have to worry about running out of oil and gas, the ruling party has fixed that, they will just tax it to the point we can't use so much of it and then they will provide us with little teeny fuel efficient cars after they get rid of the old 'clunkers' we northerners are so used to dragging our families around in. Never again will we have to worry abut the Sun being obliterated by nasty fossil fuel generated industrial coal smoke — we will get used to having less of everything — after all, we are the biggest consumers ever and that just isn't fair to the rest of the world.

Now we can be just like Canada and Europe and stand in line to get free medical treatment! Doctors will be paid by the government and not by us, and that government can tell the doctors just how to treat us and how not to waste that precious tax money on someone who is just going to die anyway! How invigorating! Now that we have only one party running the United States of America we can look forward to fulfilling their long-time wishes of a country free of prejudices (the first in history), a country with no class distinction (except for the ruling class of course), a country where free enterprise will finally come under the government's control so some people won't actually earn more money than the people who work for them, a country where everyone's homes will eventually be the same so some of us do not use more energy than others — oh how exciting — I could go on forever!

Wow, I remember in GW Bush's second term when the ruling party and media started the take-over of government, the first thing Rep. Pelosi and Sen. Harry Reid and their group did was outlaw the incandescent light bulb, you remember, the one that turns on the moment you flip the switch and actually did not have that subtle hummm sound while you are trying to read. I was so proud — they did it to save the planet and end our dependency on foreign oil. Of course I have always wondered why these people have always not wanted us to have nuclear energy — just like the French people have — so we could heat our homes and light our lives without using oil or coal, but I guess anyone smart enough to shun the power-hungry incandescent light bulb must have a good reason not to use nuclear energy, which I always felt would free up oil — of which we have plenty of our own — for powering America's transportation.

While we're at it, those stimulus deals to get America working again, you know, the future's money that was given to brokers and bankers and what was left over went somewhere else I guess, well this puts a new twist on the old saying from our pal Karl Marx "To those according to their needs from those according to their abilities," those brokers and bankers — the ones who weren't too good at their professions — well they sure did need our hard-earned money now, didn't they? We can sure count on congress to figure how to straighten these things right out for us now can't we. Don't blame the president if this thing goes south though, he doesn't make laws or enforce them, Congress is in charge of that. Just think, our very own Congressman Dave Obey has been busy making this government work for 40 years! Isn't that amazing; that is a lifetime for many of us!

It’s funny how things go in the world; the Russians are going more and more toward freedom and democracy while we seem to be rushing headlong toward a socialist republic. Who would have ever guessed? And as for that prejudices thing; I always wrote that off as practiced by stupid people, but I can see that there is no shortage of stupid people in this country and that is for sure; after all, many of them can be found in Congress.

Richard Coleman lives in La Pointe.

Comments as of 8/24/09:


jeremyoswald wrote on Aug 19, 2009 8:04 PM:
" Can Richard please provide an address so we can dump the nuclear waste at his house? That would great. "

johlsson wrote on Aug 20, 2009 6:32 AM:
" Richard, I was just wondering if you've ever cared a bit what the Russians did or did not do.I'm guessing you didn't.If my guess is correct, why should we care what they are doing now? It appears like you're invoking support for your argument from a particular source only when it's convenient for you to do so.Just one question about your polemic here. How exactly would you offer health care to the one sixth of Americans who have no medical coverage? Or are you happy to let them fend for themselves and get what they can afford, if that's nothing, then so be it? "

batman wrote on Aug 20, 2009 8:13 PM:
" May I make a suggestion for the 1 sixth,go back to Mexico. "

hodag55 wrote on Aug 22, 2009 11:09 AM:
" Batman, if you think it's only Mexicans that have no health insurance, next time you see your KKK buddies - ask them how many have health insurance. You'll be surprised how many whites also live with no health insurance. "

jeha wrote on Aug 22, 2009 11:12 AM:
" One of the uninsured, and never been to Mexico, batman, but way to make racist assumptions based on complete fiction! All kinds of people are uninsured--students, people with jobs that either don't provide health care or provide it at rates their employees can't afford, people who have been laid off. Must be nice to live in that bubble of smug ignorance, though. "

jj wrote on Aug 23, 2009 7:54 AM:
" If more people got off their fat arses, turned off the tv, and stopped eating all that refined sugary crap they wouldn't need so much health care to start with. Obesity just isn't cool anymore. "

123 wrote on Aug 23, 2009 11:56 PM:
" If Richard is so unhappy here, maybe he should leave! "

Plaster Caster wrote on Aug 24, 2009 9:04 AM:
" Just in case no one here gets it, both parties are tossing around fictious numbers as far as how many are or aren't insured. If you want an accurate figure contact your local bookie "

Obey's Army strikes again! Please join me in striking back.

Oh, by the way, jeremyoswald is tonight's winner of the "Shut the **** Up!" Award!